Remember watching Brazil lose 7-1? Well, that’s what cooking this Cameroon dish felt like

We did not enjoy cooking this dish, we have to be honest don’t we?! This dish started off fun, the name is lovely: Ndole, and it has seafood, meat, peanut paste and curly kale. Who doesn’t love curly kale?

Watching this cooking was like watching Brazil’s utter humiliation in the World Cup semi-final. It was like watching a train wreck, and we didn’t want that to happen, but again, we had trouble finding a good recipe from Africa. So we’re all ears for any advice you can give us to improve this 16 step recipe. Let us know what we’re doing wrong, or point us towards epic Cameroonian food or chefs, because we’re still looking, and we know they must exist.

Normally, we insist on using top quality ingredients. In this case, the chef actually advises NOT to use good beef. His exact words: ‘don’t waste good meat on this’ – which is why it needs an hour of slow cooking to tenderize, and you can also loose the crayfish, prawns would be enough.

It did score one goal in the end, because it actually tastes fine. It looks so ugly! But it tastes fine. It’s most certainly not epic, and we’re not looking for ‘fine’, we’re looking for spectacular, so this get’s a #fail.

Ah, sorry Cameroon!

Algeria: Not quite heavenly couscous, not quite heavenly football

Known as ‘seksu bil kohdra’ in Algeria, this is one of the most popular tagines of the Maghreb. There are many variations and different combinations of vegetables for this dish. What always stays the same is the number. Seven is considered a lucky number. It represents the seven heavens of Islam.

This recipe lacked the subtle fusion of aromas and flavours from North Africa that boost your palate. It missed the real punch of spices, the final kick that scores the goal to the glory.

Reppic chef, Cristy Raad, blames the quality of the vegetables but also the recipe. It needed tastier tomatoes, better quality courgettes, sweeter carrots and a lot more spices to really meet the standard of competition in the World Cup of Food, especially when up against the gourmet paradise that is Belgium.

USA fail in World Cup of Food, play well on pitch

While USA played fun football last night, we baked for 5 hours and 25 minutes, and waited overnight, waking in the morning to find a baked almond cheesecake recipe from the New York Times had only been teasing us in order to let us down.

The reason we are testing these recipes is to ensure a top quality epic standard of food is well explained in clear steps and easy-to-follow visuals. The fact is, recipes fail us and that’s devastating. The internet is full of weak recipes, particularly for the USA and UK audiences. Honest, epic recipes are difficult to come by, requiring too much research for the average Jo.

In terms of the World Cup of Food, this performance was 1:0 to Ghana, scored by an own-goal of spammers flooding the internet with junk recipes recycled across sites just for the sake of filler content, rather than the love of food.